Thursday, August 14, 2008

"We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us in our soundest sleep" ~Henry David Thoreau

I use too many mechanical aids. And I am never asleep. 
I do not sleep because too many things pop into my head. Faces (real and made up), witty one-liners. sad things, conversations, things I want to do, things I can't do, things I need to do. 

And then I get a drunk call from my best friend. It is funny how long we can talk while he's intoxicated. He tells me funny stories and then he says that he loves me. He says I'm pretty and that one day I will make someone very happy...I find this funny because his reason for telling me this is that I go to JBU. He says I wouldn't hear it much there...Christians are stingy with their compliments. I love my best friend and am glad he only lives an hour away. 

I do NOT love that I can not sleep.  I wish I had someone here to talk to me until I fall asleep...not in the desperate kind of way but in the "you're not alone" kind. 

I think that my organs are professional mind races, my heart dances, and my stomach does gymnastics. They do this without my permission and leave me (who is not a professional athlete by any stretch) exhausted but sleepless.

What's funny is that you're sleeping soundly because you do not know. You do not know or you do not care, either way is okay with me. 

I wish I didn't have a sleeping family so that I could make a little bit of noise.


wagner israel cilio iii said...

this. was. beautiful.

just jessica said...

thank. you.

It. was. rambling.